I swear. The WE Network needs to take me around with a microphone, video camera and a 10p time slot. These places need to hear first hand what the bride and groom think of their venue, packages, prices, and whatever else they have to offer (like the rude bitch who takes your personal information).
First up was a spa/lodge resort in Northern NJ. Exquisite to say the least, this venue was beautifully decorated, cozy and all around great. The ballroom made me super anxious knowing people in their bathing suits would be looking at me as a bride (so awk because I totally used to do that to people).
We went to another location on the premise and it was AMAZING. We felt like we were in Ireland or Scotland. Then we went into the reception hall and it looked like a bunk from the war. It's a shame because it would have been perfect.
Next up was a farm in bumblefuck NJ. We saw a cow pulling up, but it wasn't the animal it was another bride (badum chick!) We went inside and the glass case of dolls didn't throw me off, nor did the 22 year old Banquet Manager, but the office that felt very funeral homey ish mixed with the tiled walls really did it for me.
Walking into this lovely country club in Northern NJ, the first words that spew from my mouth were "Red Roof Inn." Not trying to knock Red Roof Inn, but I don't want to get married there. Red and Yellow dirty overhang made us a) back out of the driveway and b) totally knock it off our list without going inside. The door was open, the lights were off but we trespassed anyway. It took me a few minutes to realize I was in the same venue as my Senior Prom - another horrifically traumatic night, so we left.
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